A Little Nudity Never Hurt Anyone
by Red Witch
Summary: When Lance is in the hospital, Althea convinces Kitty on a way to make him feel better. Of course things don't go according to plan. Rating's for safety reasons. Nothing really bad happens, unless you count accidental electricution...


**I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters. Sorry. Well I had a very strange idea after the fic 'Mean and Green'. And this idea is stranger than usual. Just some…ahem, less than virtuous thoughts here. My oh my, Althea does have a cruel streak in her doesn't she? **

**A Little Nudity Never Hurt Anyone**

"Oh poor Lance," Kitty sniffed. "I can't believe the Hulk broke both his arms!"

"Yeah he's in a lot of pain," Althea nodded. "But with Lifeline's abilities he should be out of his casts in a day or two." 

"If only there was something I could do to make him feel better!" Kitty sniffed. 

"Well there is one thing you can do to show your appreciation," Althea grinned. 

"What?"

"You could sneak in there after hour and give Lance a very personal check up if you get my drift."

"WHAT?"

"Why not?" Althea asked. "Or better yet, you can get a nurse's outfit and show him how naughty a nurse can really be."

"You mean…do a striptease?" Kitty gasped.

"You catch on quick," Althea nodded. 

"I can't do that!" Kitty snapped.

"I'm not saying you should pull a Full Monty or anything," Althea rolled her eyes. "Just wear something a little…suggestive underneath. I mean think about it. This is a golden opportunity. The guy you really like helpless. Completely at your mercy. You can do whatever you want to him. And I mean anything."

"Well…" Kitty fidgeted. 

"It would be completely private," Althea went on. "No one would have to know anything." 

"I don't know," Kitty wavered.

"Oh come on don't tell me you haven't fantasized about Lance and what he looks like?" Althea gave her a look. 

"Yeah but…"

"You don't have to really do anything you know," Althea said. "Just prance around in some cute underwear or a bathing suit. Its not like Lance hasn't seen that before now has it?" 

"Well no but…wait, how could he see me in my underwear?"

"You might wanna have a word with Pietro about that," Althea told her. "The point is, here's your chance to have some…fun with Lance. And if you just happen to see what he looks like underneath his hospital gown…" 

"I couldn't! Just couldn't!" Kitty protested. 

"Kitty look me in the eyes and tell me that you have absolutely no interest in what Lance looks like naked."

"Okay I admit I'm curious but…I don't know. I don't want him to get any wrong ideas or anything."

"Well then tell him straight to his face that you don't want to have sex with him yet but you wouldn't mind having a little fun!" Althea groaned. "You civilians make everything so complicated. Trust me, he'll understand. In fact considering how you've been dangling him he'll definitely appreciate it!" 

"I don't know Althea, I don't think I can do it," Kitty said.

************************************************************************

"I can't believe you talked her into it," Wanda said. 

"It wasn't that hard," Althea remarked. They were hiding in a small hidden room on the base filled with surveillance equipment. "It was just a matter of saying what she wanted to hear."

"So we can see everything that goes on in Lance's room?" Wanda asked.

"Yup and we're wired for sound as well," Althea turned it on. 

"I can't believe we are going to watch Kitty do a striptease for Lance," Wanda shook her head.

"Well there's nothing good on TV tonight," Althea said. 

"Oh this is cruel," Wanda said. 

"Completely," Althea nodded. 

"I mean this could humiliate her," Wanda said. "Even destroy her. Are you sure you have a tape in?" 

"Positive," Althea grinned. "Let's watch the show now shall we?"

"What show?" Wanda sighed. "Miss Goody Two Shoes isn't going to do anything!" 

"Oh yeah? I'll bet you twenty bucks she shows him her breasts," Althea said.

"You're on!" Wanda nodded. "Well here she comes. Hey that is a cute nurse's outfit. You do have nice taste Althea."

"And isn't Lance surprised," Althea grinned. 

"He's gonna be even more surprised in a minute," Wanda remarked. "There we go!"

"Told you she couldn't resist a peek," Althea grinned. "Now I understand what she sees in Lance." 

"Yeah I guess even I can't be mad at her for wanting him now that I know," Wanda nodded. "Great camerawork by the way."

"Thank you. Hey she brought a music tape along!" 

"She's not gonna do what I think she's gonna do is she?" Wanda gulped.

"Only if we're really lucky," Althea stared at the screen. "Oh yes we are!" 

"Well she's out of uniform," Wanda said. "I didn't know they made garter belts like that."

"I raided Cover Girl's closet," Althea told her. "Wait a minute…why is she pulling on that machine. Oh I see, she got her outfit tangled up in the wires somehow." 

"I don't believe it!" Wanda slapped her hand against her forehead. "She's stuck!" 

"Oh my god," Althea groaned. "I didn't think it was even possible to screw up a striptease act."

"Well you were wrong," Wanda chuckled. 

Then Todd poked his head in. "Did she start yet?"

"Yeah," Althea nodded.

"This I gotta see," Todd hopped in.

"Toad what are you doing here?" Wanda yelled. 

"It's okay I told him to come in," Althea waved. 

"Why are you letting your boyfriend watch this?" Wanda asked.

"Let's just say she owes me and leave it at that," Todd told her. "What did I miss?"

"Kitty screwing up the striptease," Althea said. "Don't worry. It's on tape." 

"Oh come on you can't screw up a…" Todd's eyes widened. "Okay maybe you can."

"What did she do that…?" Wanda started to ask Todd. "Never mind I'm better off not knowing!"

"I promised him a striptease after what I did and it was either her or me," Althea pointed. 

"Was there nudity involved?" Wanda asked Todd. "Did she sneak into the boy's showers again?" 

"Do you have to ask?" Todd asked her. "What is Kitty doing?" 

"Exactly what it looks like she's doing," Wanda told him. "She's stroking…"

"I can see that! Well she's rubbing it too hard!" Todd yelled. "She's gonna kill the guy!" 

"She is not," Althea told him. "You're exaggerating."

"Trust me Al I know what I am talking about!" Todd said. "He's gonna go into meltdown!" 

"He is….WHOA!" Wanda gasped. 

"Told you," Todd sighed. "There's stuff everywhere now!"

"Not to mention small fires," Althea said.

"Okay did you tell Kitty to fiddle around with that IV unit Althea?" Wanda asked. 

"No I did not," Althea shook her head. "Only Kitty could take out both an IV unit and the monitoring machine at the same time. Man look at the hair on Lance's head. It's all poofy."

"He looks like an underdone chicken," Wanda remarked. 

"Well what do you expect from the guy being nearly zapped to death?" Todd asked her. "And you thought I was a disaster around machines!" 

"I stand corrected," Althea said.

"I dunno guys I still don't think this is very nice," Todd remarked.

"Since when did you care about Kitty?" Wanda asked.

"It's not Kitty that I'm worried about," Todd told her. "It's Lance! I mean her teasing the poor guy like that and he's so defenseless! Not to mention well uh…"

"What?" Althea asked.

"It's kinda complicated," Todd told her. "Guy stuff."

"I think we can see the problem from right here Toad," Wanda remarked as she looked at the monitor. "Oh my, I'm seeing Lance in a whole new light!"

"That's what I mean," Todd groaned. "You're teasing the poor guy! He can't well…how do I put this?"

"Let off steam?" Wanda asked.

"Bingo," Todd nodded. 

"Toad with Lifeline's abilities he's only going to be in those casts a few days," Althea said. "Are you telling me a guy can't wait a few days to get off?"

"Yeah duh!" Todd rolled his eyes.

"Okay way too much information here!" Wanda groaned. 

"Hey nobody said being a guy was easy," Todd shrugged. 

"Wait! Wait! She's gonna do it!" Althea pointed. "Get ready to pay up Wanda she's about to take off her bra!" 

"Toad will you stop grinning?" Wanda snapped.

"Can't help it," Todd snickered. "The good part's just about to come up. Thanks to a special guest star."

"What did you do?" Althea asked. 

"Oh my god she's gonna do it!" Wanda pointed. "She's gonna take off her bra!" 

"Oh I hope the timing works the way I think it does!" Todd grinned. 

"What timing?" Wanda asked. "What?"

"Just watch!" Todd laughed. 

"And there goes the bra!" Althea whooped.

"And there goes my twenty bucks," Wanda sighed.

"And here comes Colossus right on time!" Todd laughed amid Kitty's shrieks. 

"OH MY GOD!" Althea laughed. 

"Petey doesn't look too happy," Todd laughed. "I wonder why? Don't bother covering up Kitty, they've seen everything! Not that there was much to see in the first place…" 

"You're right Toad this is perfect!" Wanda laughed. "This is the best blackmail material we could ever get on her! Hey let's call her 'Stripperella' for the next couple of weeks!" 

"Well she's definitely no Pamela Anderson I'll tell you that much," Todd remarked.

"Yeah but at least hers are natural," Wanda said.

"So?" Todd asked.

"Men!" Wanda groaned. 

"Well if nothing at least Lance will die a happy man," Todd remarked. "Ow that's cruel to do to a guy whose arms are in cast!" 

"And we will live off well selling this tape to the guys," Althea snickered. "We can tell them the proceeds will go to the Lance Alvers Memorial Fund." 

"Now if only we could get Scott and Jean in a situation like this we'd be set for life," Todd snickered. 

"Actually I have a tape of them," Althea told them. "Tabitha sold it to me. Remind me to give her a special discount on this for her." 


End file.
